Many years ago, I went to visit Tim, one of my closest friends and his fiery, red headed, girlfriend, Nancy, in their high rise apartment. Right away I noticed an unusual tension in the air. As it turned out, Tim and Nancy had been arguing. Nancy’s face was flush and she was sniffling. On the other hand, Tim was clearly very irritated.
Initially, I thought about leaving them to continue their heated discussion. However, Nancy promptly grabbed her purse and coat and left. I quickly asked Tim,”What’s the matter?” In an angry tone of voice he responded, “Nancy left a *x#@ cup of juice on my keyboard again!” While Tim was talking he walked over to his keyboard and pointed at a circle of water remaining from the cup. He went on to say, “I’ve told her over and over again to not put drinks on my keyboard but she does it anyway. I’m tired of this crap!”
I walked over and looked at the keyboard, I looked at Tim, and I said these words: “Which one do you value more? The priceless woman who loves, respects, and encourages you or the keyboard you hardly play and can replace?” Silence fell over the room. I wasn’t exactly sure what Tim’s response would be to my rather direct question. But I felt comfortable posing the question to my friend of nearly 5 years at that time. Finally, the quiet was interrupted by Tim saying, “I value Nancy more.”
I went on to remind him of how much they loved each other. Naturally, he picked up the phone, called Nancy at her parents’ and apologized. My job was done.
You might be asking,”What in the world does this have to do with thinking like an ethical persuasion expert?”
It’s simple!
An ethical persuasion expert thinks objectively about the best interest of the parties involved. They also evaluate situations based on the values of the participants. In the case of Nancy and Tim, I knew they deeply loved each other and rarely did anything (to my knowledge) to intentionally hurt one another.
Yes, it was a mistake for Nancy to leave the cup of juice on Tim’s keyboard. In fact, it was careless! It caused Tim to feel disrespected and devalued. Anytime someone feels that type of emotional hurt, they will find a way to heal the pain. Unfortunately, sometimes that means ending a relationship. Other times, a time out suffices.
That aside… Tim’s and Nancy’s shared values of love, respect, and encouragement were the threads that knitted their hearts together. Once I had tapped into his own value system I was able to influence Tim in a direction that served his best interests. Ethical persuasion experts use the information they’ve learned about someone to help them reach their own desired outcomes.
What are your values? What do you value most?
Love fully and live purposefully,
Ron
I completely agree with your points here. Without a value system and knowing what you value — I think it’s much easier to taken off the path into unethical behavior. Great stuff Ron.
Maria Reyes-McDavis´s last blog post..Web Success Diva Gets a Makeover
Maria, I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Clearly, you valued the content! LOL
Warmly,
Ron
Counselling a friend by giving him options is a good way of persuasion! I’ve tried it a couple of times when I was a teenager, and mostly it works because the listener knows my suggestions do not benefit me in any way. Trust is built in small-step ways!
kelly´s last blog post..Christmas Card for You, My Friends!
Kelly, as long as we continually focus on helping other people get what they want, we continually enjoy more success and fulfillment in relationships.
Ron, your blogs always awesome, but this one really stands out.
Thanks so much for your compliment, Kayla! I’m curious. What made this “really” stand out?
I value good story telling – and that’s why this post is so effective. It resonates with your readers and helps you connect them with your message. Very cool, Ron.
Christy´s last [type] ..Are your sleep habits healthy or harmful
Hello Christy! Great to see you. Thanks so much for stopping and adding your comment with a cool compliment! – Ron
Even though this is a fairly old post I just wanted to leave a comment on it because it so very highly relevant even now. While the action was very annoying (I caution my children not to come in 10 miles of my keyboard with a drink never mind leaving one on the keyboard…!!!) ultimately understanding the value of a keyboard compared to a loved one will focus us on what is really important.
Look forward to reading more
Diane
Diane Corriette´s last [type] ..Local Businesses online exposure enhanced by New Local Marketing Toolkit
Beautiful post. You think like a woman..
lol You think so? Thanks for stopping by and commenting.