Think Like An Ethical Persuasion Expert

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Many years ago, I went to visit Tim, one of my closest friends and his fiery, red headed, girlfriend, Nancy, in their high rise apartment. Right away I noticed an unusual tension in the air. As it turned out, Tim and Nancy had been arguing. Nancy’s face was flush and she was sniffling. On the other hand, Tim was clearly very irritated.

Initially, I thought about leaving them to continue their heated discussion. However, Nancy promptly grabbed her purse and coat and left. I quickly asked Tim,”What’s the matter?” In an angry tone of voice he responded, “Nancy left a *x#@ cup of juice on my keyboard again!” While Tim was talking he walked over to his keyboard and pointed at a circle of water remaining from the cup. He went on to say, “I’ve told her over and over again to not put drinks on my keyboard but she does it anyway. I’m tired of this crap!”
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Subconscious Tools of Influence

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Listen to David Lorenzo, partner at the Gallup Organization and I as we discuss scientifically proven tools of influence that move people to make decisions in their best interest and yours. Enjoy!
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100 Million Dollar Negotiation and Influence Skills

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Last year, Mark Jankowski, Co-Founder of the Shapiro Negotiations Institute (SNI) joined me on my radio show. Mark has trained tens of thousands of people throughout the world in negotiation and influencing skills. He regularly consults clients on deals ranging above the 100 million dollar mark. He’s also the best selling author of The Power of Nice and Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People.
You can find him on twitter @markjankowski
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Social Influence Gone Bad

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After watching the video, did you say to yourself, “I would’ve stood my ground and continued giving the correct answer.” If you said that to yourself, or something similar, I’m not surprised. I’ve heard similar statements from others that have seen or heard me describe the scenario in the video. I certainly told myself with absolute certainty that’s what I would have done. The reason I would’ve done so, and I’m assuming your reason’s the same, is I wouldn’t lie. In particular, it is due to the fact that the scenario is based on such a trivial circumstance.

But, what about a circumstance that isn’t trivial? How about one that pertains to our health and well-being? Stick with me here.
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A restaurant’s artful use of influence that surprised and delighted me

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“Aged and hand–cut especially for Friday’s, half a pound of one of the most Steak and potatoesflavorful, popular steaks around, expertly seasoned and fire–grilled to your order. Then glazed and served with our Jack Daniel’s glaze and creamy mashed potatoes.”

“Honey, I’m ordering the Jack Daniel’s Flat Iron Works entree!  It looks delicious!” After reading the same description, my wife says, “Order that for me too.” Mouth watering, I quickly picked up our cordless phone and began dialing the number listed on the TGI Friday’s website.  Seconds later, I found myself impressed by how professional and courteous the young lady was that answered the phone.  After learning that I wanted to place a carryout order, she placed me on hold.  About a minute or so later, a young lady name Miriam picked up and began interacting with me.  Miriam, was personable, cheerful, and eager to help me!

You might be wondering, “Where is the artful use of influence that surprised and delighted you?” The incredible reality of influence is, it frequently effects us without our conscious awareness.  In this particular situation, I found myself liking both of the TGI Friday’s employees right away.  What’s amazing is I didn’t realize the specific tool of influence that had started working on me until I sat down to write this post.  No, it wasn’t hunger!  :-)    It was what Dr. Robert Cialdini labeled as “Liking” in his best-selling book, “Influence: The New Psychology of Modern Persuasion.”

I’ve owned that book since 1991.  I’ve read it countless times.  And, I’ve even completed an advanced training course with six tapes and workbook about the principles Dr. Cialdini revealed in the book.  Hopefully, you recognize that the reason I’m divulging all that info is not to impress you, but to impress upon you that regardless of my extensive study and utilization of the principles of influence, they still have an impact on me.  The main reason for this is that I go into many situations knowing what I want.  What do I mean?  I knew full well what I wanted from TGI Friday’s.  I wanted to be treated courteously, cheerfully, and in a timely manner.  I also wanted a delicious meal.  With the exception of my steak not being cooked exactly the way I wanted it, the folks at TGI Friday’s located at 61st & Memorial in Tulsa, OK, delivered on all fronts.

Wait a minute!  Now, let me tell you how they surprised and delighted me.  After I arrived at the restaurant, Miriam greeted me with the same cheerful and eager-to-help attitude.  Then she went the extra mile by offering me a drink while I waited for her to get my food and change.  By the way, I turned down the drink.  Anyway, when Miriam returned with my bag of piping hot food, she also handed back the Buy One, Get One Free Jack Daniel’s entree coupon I was given for my birthday with the manager’s approval.  I remember asking her, “You’re giving the coupon back?”  Miriam cheerfully said,”Yes, I am!  You can use it again until the April 30th expiration date.  Isn’t that cool?”  I said, “Yes, that’s very cool!”  I grabbed the bag food and gave her a tip.

Do you think I used the coupon again before the expiration date?  Absolutely!

I’m curious.  Can you identify all of the six principles of influence that occurred during my experience with TGI Friday’s staff?  If you’re a master of influence, it should be easy for you.  Please write your answer in the comment section below.

I also highly recommend that you sign into that Twitter Remote thingy to the right over there.  You see it?  It’s a great way for you to be seen (and discovered) by the other, almost *1,900 folks who visit my blog each month.  I’m so grateful to know that you and many other people enjoy my blog.  Have a great weekend!

To your success,

Ron

*The number denotes an approximation of the average number of unique visitors to this blog during January 1, 2009 – April 30, 2009.  The exact total number of unique visitors is 7,575.  Thank you so very much for being one of those visitors!

Conformity: The Influence of Social Media?

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There I was sitting at my desk, back straight, shoulders slightly forward, rubbing my beard with my hand, and contemplating what I would write about when it dawned on me! “Write about conformity aka Social Proof as it relates to Social Media,” I said to myself. Then I questioned whether or not YouTube had a video that would help demonstrate the power of groups to influence behavior. After a few minutes of searching, I discovered the following video to illustrate the topic of this post. Go ahead and click on the play button now, please.

Welcome back! Are we so easily influenced nowadays? I’ll answered that in another post with a more recent video. Right now, I want to quickly answer the question I posed in the title of my post.

Yes!  Yes, we have conformed to the influence of social media! However, the reasons that we have conformed are that we are fulfilling our basic human needs of 1) connecting with others 2) a sense of accomplishment from having influential and large numbers of connections, and 3) a feeling of uniqueness because of the diverseness of people with whom we are are connected.

Think about it.  Millions of people are utilizing social networking sites right now to communicate with family, friends, customers, and clients in an effort to sustain and improve that connection. Fifteen years ago, I don’t think this behavior was as prevalent as it is now. Why? Although America Online (AOL), Compuserve, and others were thriving back then, they were charging members a monthly fee to use similar functions that, today, Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin offer for free. Therefore, why wouldn’t we give in to the attraction of instantly connecting with people around the globe?

These top three social networking sites induce reciprocation with the force of water exploding out of a fire hydrant into the mouth of a thirsty man by offering us the ability to meet some of our basic human needs. In spite of that reality, please avoid neglecting the most intimate relationships you have in order to spend more time connecting with others on social networking sites. Why did I make that appeal? The reason is quite frequently, I hear Tony Robbins’ voice in my head saying something like, “People want to experience love, but they often settle for connection.”

You’re probably asking, “Why would someone do that?” A loving relationship, while incredibly rewarding, can also be extremely painful. That’s why some people will settle for casual and friendly relationships. Even worse are the people who would rather love, and connect with, their pets than real people. Don’t get me wrong I love Samson, our Jack Russell Terrier but the most phenomenal experiences of my life have come from my loving relationships with my wife, children, family, and friends. I am reminded of a phrase that dates back to the seventeenth century, which reads, “No man (or woman) is an island.” Stated differently, no man (or woman) is meant to be alone. I have definitely conformed to that influence. Will you?

With your success in mind,

Ron

Relevant Sources:
Robert B. Cialdini, Ph.D., (1984) Influence: The New Psychology of Modern Persuasion
Tony Robbins, (1991) Personal Power II, The Driving Force: The Six Human Needs

Seven Top Immediate Influence Posts

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Eventually any blog will have posts that are very popular for a number of reasons.  This blog isn’t an exception.  Over the weekend, I reviewed Google Analytics and the list you see below quickly emerged.  Enjoy!

7.  Strategic Influence Objecting Number Two Example:

It is almost 2009! You’ve probably been thinking about what goals you want to achieve in the new year, have you not? In the days and weeks ahead, you will have many decisions to make about what actions to take to bring about the realization of your goals.

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6.  Ten Honest Things About Me You Don’t Want to Know:

On Monday, January 12th, I was tagged by MultiMedia Producer, Angel McClinton to reveal ten honest things about myself.  Unlike the incredibly talented Angel McClinton, I haven’t included a video presentation with my ten things.  Before I get started, you might want to click on Angel’s name to see her video and forget all about reading my ten things.  Just kidding.  Kinda!

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5.  What Stops People From Achieving What They Want:

Happy New Year!!!

2008 is behind us now and a new year has begun! By now, you’re off to a great start on achieving the goals you’ve set for 2009. However, you have probably run into some opposition. Typically, opposition shows itself in two ways – but I’m only going to write about one in this post. Ready?

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4.  One Big Web 2.0 Influence Mistake That Will Ruin Your Reputation:

On Friday, January 9th I tweeted a statistic Tony Robbins revealed while being interviewed by one of Success Magazine’s writers.  The statistic is related to the number of people who won’t follow through on the resolutions aka goals they set on New Year’s Day.  Tony said, “98% of the people who set resolutions will give up within six weeks.”

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3.  How to Deeply Influence Yourself and Others:

James Van Fleet once said, “Always think in terms of what the other person wants.”

During my nearly 10 years of marriage, I’ve discovered that one of the keys to a successful relationship is thinking in terms of what my wife wants.  For instance, there are times when my wife wants to watch a romantic movie when I’d prefer to watch an action movie.  You might be saying,”Great!  Let her watch her romantic movie and you go watch an action movie on another television.”  Good idea, my rational thinking friend.  However, if I were to act on that type of thinking my wife wouldn’t get what she really wanted it from the experience.  Connectedness. Guess what?  I want to feel that too.

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2.  50 Most Powerful and Influential Men in Social Media:

Last week, as you probably know, I published a list of the 50 Most Powerful & Influential Women in Social Media. It caused quite a stir on the internet. In fact, this blog was visited by over 2,000 unique visitors the day the list was published. I truly appreciate each of you who visited that day and the following days.

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1.  50 Most Powerful and Influential Women in Social Media:

In every industry there are a few people who are inarguably outstanding at what they do. In addition to that, they are typically charismatic, energetic, and creative. In an effort to find some of these people I asked my twitter friends to nominate people who they thought were some of the most powerful and influential women in Social Media. It was no surprise that they quickly and enthusiastically responded with the list of ladies below.

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With your success in mind,

Ron Hudson