What is Perceptual Persuasion? Hold your horses! First, let me tell you a brief story.
One summer’s day, back when I was a tall and skinny teenager, sleeping late into the day after staying up all night, I was awakened by a noise outside my bedroom window. Initially, I lay there slightly startled but as the noise continued, it became apparent that someone was attempting to open my window. As you might imagine, my heart began pounding as I rose from my bed and headed toward the window.
Slowly, I peeked out the blinds to see what the burglar looked like, so that I could describe him to the police later. While peeking through a small space in the blinds, I definitely saw the burglar, and I was completely shocked! You see, the person attempting to break into my home was someone who I called “friend!”
Quickly, I grabbed my big crescent wrench with blue rubber covered shaft. Seriously, it was big a wrench! It was 3″ wide, 12″ long, and weighed about 3 lbs. With Big Blue in hand, I immediately proceeded to the front door, opened it, and walked to the backyard to surprise my friend turned thief. As I confronted him, he revealed what appeared to be a small hand gun, so I quickly backed off! Smart move? I think so. Why? Have you ever heard someone say, “You don’t bring a knife to a gun fight?” Even though I was carrying Big Blue, I didn’t believe it was a match for a bullet.
So, as I backed away, I informed him that the police were on the way. Fortunately, he turned away from me, and ran off. Needless to say, I was very relieved!
I’m curious. What feelings do you think noises outside my bedroom window trigger now?
A) Fear
B) Curiosity
C) Creativity
D) Courage
E) All of the above
Truthfully, the correct answer is: It depends. You see, no matter the noise, my response depends on the meaning I associate to the noise. For example, I’ve learned what my dog walking outside my window sounds like.
However, once we’ve learned what something means, the meaning turns into beliefs. After we formulate beliefs about events, people, life, ourselves, or objects, we rarely ever question their validity. In the case of my friend turned criminal, his behavior meant that trusting him was no longer an option. If I never questioned the validity of that belief for the rest of my life, will I be justified? Maybe. Maybe not. The reason for my uncertainty is that people can change. Wouldn’t you agree?
I’m curious. Has anyone you trusted ever attempted to steal from you? If you haven’t experienced this, sooner or later you will. No, I’m not being negative. I’m being real and you know it.
Anyway, let’s pretend that you have had that experience. Let’s also act as if he apologized, you forgave him, and the relationship continued. Now, imagine it’s a year later, you’ve just completed a long work day, so you get up and start heading for the elevator. As you’re walking toward the elevator, suddenly you remember that you left your iPod in your desk, so you hurry back to your desk to grab it. As you are rushing back to your desk, you notice your friend walking away from your desk in the opposite direction without seeing you.
Stop!
Please type in the comments section below what thoughts raced through your mind after reading that last paragraph, then write a tweet about this post on twitter. Get this, I’ll even give you a gift to coax you into commenting below and tweeting. I will give you a free copy of the Free Technologies and Strategic Advice audio recording listed here.
By the way, you will only qualify to receive the free audio if you type a comment below and tweet about this post before the 12pm CST. Come on, play along. I guarantee you’ll enjoy the audio!
With your success in mind,
Ron
P.S. You probably noticed that I didn’t answer the question, “What is Perceptual Persuasion?” in this post. I will answer it in my next post. I’m looking forward to your comments and tweets. Have a great weekend!
I was going to say I’ve never had a friend steal from me, but I remembered that’s not true. I’ve never had a friend break into my house, but someone who I thought was a very good friend stiffed me for her (large) share of a phone bill when we were college room mates. Never saw her again, and when I called her parents to report what I hoped was a misunderstanding, her dad screamed at me as if I were some kind of fiend. Anyway, that’s stealing.
As for your scenario above, my thought would be, “Oh Lord, please don’t let him have taken my ipod.” Then I’d walk a little faster towards my desk.
My first thought – and I’m not proud to admit this – was that my friend was up to his or her old tricks again.
Suspicion based on past experience is tough to eradicate. Despite our intentions, our suspicions can just sit there waiting to be reawakened. Or so I suspect.
Anyways…
Great post Ron. I LOVE what you’re doing with your blog recently. You’re kicking some serious persuasion-butt around here. Keep it up!
Ron,
Based on the information you’ve provided, I’m assuming that this friend isn’t my co-worker, so my experience and conscience tells me…
“Go quick…see if he took something!”
Even if I’ve forgiven him for the past offense, it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. I didn’t forget it, I just chose to allow that person to come back into my life without shutting the door on the relationship with the hope that it won’t ever happen again.
Great Blog…it got me thinking about how much past experience influences thought processes and decision making.
Have a great weekend!
Mike Malachefski
I hate to admit this, but my first thought was I wonder if my ipod is still there and if my friend took it.
Can’t say I like what that says about me, so now I need to go meta and think about that for a while.
- John
I feel like a dog and you are Pavlov. lol! Of course I jumped to the conclusion that said iPod is in the friend’s pocket.
I had something happen a few years ago and I had totally forgotten about it. Recently, there was a situation that *seemed* like the event of long ago and I had the same physical reaction as I did years earlier. It turns out that the recent events were not like what happened years ago. But the emotions that led to my physical reaction are yet more proof to me that belief steers Everything!
Reminds me that I need to be very aware of not letting my memories get the best of me.
Thanks for the awesome post. I know that time spent on your page is always going to yield a great ROI.
I let a “friend” stay with me for a month and asked only that he pay what he could to contribute to rent whenever he could. After a month, he stole a checkbook and attempted to pass a $900 check to himself. He was busted.
Another person I called a good friend for nearly a year turned around a robbed a bank at gunpoint.
Needless to say, I have few friends and trust few people.
Mike, I’m glad you enjoyed the post enough to comment and tweet about it! Here’s something else to think about.
The meaning that we attach to our past experiences is the true influence factor that causes us to make decisions differently than others.
I will send you the free audio over the weekend!
Warmly,
Ron
John, interesting response. I’m curious. What do you think your conclusion means about you? Here’s the question to really contemplate: Other than what you might have already decided that it means, what good thing could your conclusion mean?
I appreciate you stopping by my blog and posting your comment. Have a great weekend!
Warmly,
Ron
Blair, my friend, I appreciate your openness about your first thought about the friend possibly being up to his or her old tricks.
I love that in the second paragraph of your comment you conveyed that suspicious feelings can be eradicated. As you know, I believe that the feelings can be eliminated. Fact is, one of the first steps to removing it is believing that can be.
Thank you very much for your comment, your tweet, and your compliment! It means a lot to me. I’ll send you the free audio over the weekend.
Talk soon?
Warmly,
Ron
P.S. What’s the update on your upcoming book with Dr. Kevin Hogan?
Hello Ron,
Being interested in (copy)writing, persuasion and all things marketing I’m happy to have found your blog through recommendation.
I’ll make sure to spend more time here after this captivating post!
As to your question…
How predictable is that… My first thought was “There probably goes my iPod!”
Second was “Am I carrying this time?!”
That first betrayal was a survival issue and that sure leaves a deep impression. Hard to rationalise away.
Looking forward to the sequel(s)!
Jan Frijters´s last blog post..Sekoja: @cherihegi An endless persuit for sure, only to start all over again from the beginning :-I I’m out to see my grandkids. Truly
Wow! Diane, I experienced the same problem during my college years. My own fraternity brother tried to stiff me for a large telephone bill. Initially, I was patient with him, then one night I decided to take matters into my own hands. Fortunately, I didn’t do any damage because our fraternity brothers stopped the madness. Shortly after that incident, he paid me what was owed.
As you might imagine, I would have handle that situation differently today. It’s amazing what we can accomplish with the right persuasion strategy, isn’t it?
Diane, I’m so happy that you commented and tweeted about this post today! I will be sending you the free audio this weekend. Okay?
See you on twitter!
Warmly,
Ron
Ron,
My conclusion could mean that I’m being realistic and exhibiting a “healthy paranoia.” On the other hand, it could mean that I am holding onto unforgiveness and not allowing my friend the opportunity to prove himself trustworthy.
I might be able to take away a generalized conclusion about how I respond to certain situations in the world, but I suspect my tendency towards suspicion (cynicism?) could be tempered to some extent by the trustworthiness exhibited by the friend in your scenario.
Of course, my response could be driven by my love of so much music and my potential panic at it not being there for the drive home and having to listen to the crappy radio stations in my area. It makes me squirm with discomfort to even think about it.
- John
LOL Julie, you are hilarious! I’m grateful to be getting to know you on twitter and here. Sooner or later, we’ll talk on the phone.
Okay, I’m going to type a few thoughts below in response to your comment. Ready?
First, you are spot on about beliefs steering everything! Emotions/feelings are driven by our beliefs about what something means. Unfortunately, there are times when we can’t pinpoint the belief, we only experience the feelings after the proper stimulus triggers us.
It does sound Pavlovian, doesn’t it? Fact is, the human process of associating meaning to events is very similar to the Pavlovian experiment. However, the great gift that has been bestowed upon us is our ability to decide what something means to us. At any given moment we can change the meaning of any event.
Yes, it’s true that some events are more difficult to change on our own. For instance, phobic reactions, a fear of public speaking, or being robbed at gun point would be hard for an individual to get over without assistance. Make sense?
Anyway, you also wrote:
“Reminds me that I need to be very aware of not letting my memories get the best of me.”
Someone once said, “Awareness is curative.”
Thanks for commenting, tweeting, and triggering laughter in me.
Warmly,
Ron
Hi Jan,
It’s great to meet you! I’m happy you found my blog and grateful to know the post was helpful. However, I am slightly concerned that you might be carrying at any time.
I look forward to interacting with you more in the future!
Warmly,
Ron
I have some thoughts on the the iPod scenario you describe.
Firstly, I have had people I knew and trusted steal from me. In your scenario, you describe that he was forgiven. Unfortunately I cannot continue to respond to the scenario as it is written due to that. I would never forgive someone for stealing from me. In fact, I mentioned in another post (that hasn’t appeared here yet) that a good friend of mine who never wronged me got busted for robbing a bank, which hit me completely out of the blue. I see this person now the same way I see another people who attempted to steal from me and was caught. I do not forgive him, and no longer consider him a friend, and he is no longer allowed in my home assuming he is found guilty. If he is not, it would depend on the circumstances of the verdict.
Additionally, if someone who I worked with stole from me, I would not work with them. It would be either them or me in that situation.
Assuming in your scenario that we are in forced proximity despite all of the above, I would certainly suspect him. He conditioned me to know he cannot be trusted, ever. Friends do not steal from friends, and when they do, they become non-friends and permanent suspects for the rest of their life. There’s nothing wrong in this scenario for suspecting the person of stealing your iPod even though you haven’t even confirmed that it has gone missing at all.
Sure it’s Pavlovian. If someone demonstrates that they are a thief, and are in proximity of an enticing theft situation where there’s something of value, it’s perfectly normal to suspect them prior to confirmation that it is missing. Once confirmed it is missing, there’s even more cause to suspect them. If it is not missing, well, you just had a natural suspicious response to a known thief being in an opportunistic situation. You jumped to a conclusion based on past experience and belief, but it was a rational and justified one.
People can change, but banking on that is a risk. “People can change” will fight in your mind with “once a thief always a thief” – the latter seems to be eminently explainable through basic evolutionary logic.
If a caveman catches a food thief (and doesn’t bludgeon him to death – maybe he’s an in-law or something) he will always suspect him. If food turns up missing, and he is predisposed to go root out the guys cave and bludgeon him into giving up the stash, he’ll eat and thus produce more offspring. He is more likely to propagate his genes, and those cavemen who do not respond that way are less likely to. They will be taken advantage of and will have fewer opportunities for procreation. Similar to the roots of jealousy. It’s basic survival and it has been programmed into us through sheer numbers – the eons we have lived on this earth trying to scrape by.
Ron, rest assured, the only thing you will see me carrying is hairloss and groceries. Trying to carry both with dignity. Not easy, but do-able
Nice meeting you too!
Jan
Jan Frijters´s last blog post..Sekoja: @Nailholes for you I’ll stay up another minute. What will the neighbors think!
‘Biting my nails’. Great find, with your name…
Great post, Ron,
I once had a “friend” get mad at me because I didn’t return money owed to him fast enough, so he started spreading vicious rumors about me to get me to “act right.” He even went so far as to take federally protected information and spread it in a public forum.
So he didn’t take an ipod, but he attempted to ruin my reputation and good name.
Now his company is being sued and he is in danger of getting fired and being sued for identity theft, harrassment and a host of other things.
If all it took to “lose a friend” was an ipod or a vicious rumor, I say good riddance. There are other more important things to be fiercely protective of, such as my good name (and in the case of your earlier example, your safety).
In your example, he might have told you the phone in his pocket was a gun (perceptual persuasion) to get you to back off — and you might have told him the police were on their way (whether you called them or not) to get him to leave.
In my example, he might have spread vicious rumors to people to get them to back off from being in relationship with me to “punish” me for hurting him. (I eventually DID pay him, as I planned to all along)
In both cases, a scary situation indeed, but perceptual persuasion has very little to do with truth (Was it a gun or a phone? Did you or did you not call the police? Were they truth or rumors?) and more to do with what catches your attention enough to do what I want you to do (I tell you it’s a gun, you back off. Mission accomplished. I tell you the police are on their way. You leave. Mission accomplished. I tell you lies about a person, you sever the relationship. Mission accomplished).
We human beings are far more malleable than we think, eh?
Great thought-provoking post!
Monikah, Monikah!
You are brilliant!
Yes, my friend turned thief did have a real gun and I called the police before I went outside to confront him.
It’s great to see that you are doing well. I’m also happy to see that that situation is almost behind you. That guy not only made some really bad decisions, he acted on them.
Thanks for commenting on my blog and complimenting me!
Warmly,
Ron
Erik,
I really appreciate you investing the time to write such an insightful comment!
What did you think about the follow up post?
Warmly,
~Ron
Very good story! The very first thing we learn to associate with something, it immediately becomes our beliefs. This is very true!
I am also curious to know how much of out “lifetime beliefs” actually change as we grow?
Kelly, one of the biggest factors in breaking the shackles of one’s limiting beliefs is gaining knowledge from credible sources.
Your website came up in my research and I’m moved by what you have composed on this issue. I am presently broadening my search and thus cannot contribute further, still, I’ve bookmarked your site and will be returning to keep up with any potential updates. Just love it and thanks for admitting my remark.